Get off Facebook and get a life!

Recently, during my 35 minutes or so drive to work, I followed an opinion on radio about the impact of social networking websites such as Facebook (FB) on people, especially young ones in today's world. The speaker was of the opinion that because young people (and older ones) spend so much time on the internet nowadays, they do not have real contacts and relationships with friends and as such do not socialise in the real sense of it. Later in the eveningon that same day, I went for a meeting and quite a number of us were early for the meeting. While we were waiting for the meeting to start, a debate about this same topic ensued among some of my friends. I joined in the conversation and it was amazing to see how people view things from different perspectives. Today, as I signed out of my e-mail box, I noticed a news headline on my homepage that reads; “Get off Facebook and get a life”

The opinion of “experts” is that, contrary to the objectives of their founders, social networking via internet technology has greatly reduced physical networking among youngsters . At the moment, there's so much debate going on, on this subject to the extent that some experts are beginning to link some diseases with the amount of time that individuals spend on social networking websites (Please follow this link to read and listen to ITN story/interview on psychologist, Dr Aric Sigman)

I am of the opinion that social networking websites are good and have met the objectives of their founders although we cannot rule out instances of abuse by a handful of individuals. When I say abuse, I’m taking about people who use these sites to pry into the affairs of unsuspecting users and possibly use these sites for vices such as identify fraud. I’m also talking about individuals who have allowed these sites to take control of their life. It’s amazing sometimes when I browse through people’s pages and see that they’ve practically been on FB all day! I think people like that need to get a life as suggested by Dr Aric. While these networking platforms are good media to make contacts and catch up with “lost” contacts, I think it is foolhardy when individuals waste productive time very busy doing things that do not add any value to them directly or indirectly. Sometimes I wonder how people cope with what their conscience tells them when they burn their employers’ time facebooking at work. As a consequence, these individuals sacrifice their time with their family when they have to leave the office late because they have work catching ups to do when everyone else has gone home, just because they’ve been irresponsible enough to be facebooking all day.

I have two very good friends whom I don’t think I would have ever met in life if there weren’t social networking sites. About six years ago, I received “add friends” invitations from people that I hadn’t met before, to add them in my Hi-5 friends list. Each time that I receive such requests, I “screen” (If they’re people that I don’t know directly) the requests before adding the individual. Often, I add some and ignore some of them. It turned out that communication progressed between me and two of these my new friends. With time, we exchanged phone numbers; phone calls led to visits and we’ve since been very good friends! I remember the first time I visited one of them who happens to be a lady; I was a bit amused at the way I was treated when I got to their house at Ikotun, Lagos, Nigeria. Someone somewhere may have thought I was a “new boyfriend” or something. Everyone around “cleared” off and gave us “the privacy we deserved” throughout my four hours visit. Guess what, the same thing happened when she returned the visit! I've seen a few couples who met on social networking websites and have since been very happily married. I have seen good business relationships established through online networking contacts

If you’ve been following my line of thought, you may agree with me in this regard or say ‘well, that was just a one-off’ (or is it two-offs now?) I’d agree with you that the ‘good’ online experience may be a one-off because I have also met some funny individuals whom I didn’t need an Einstein to explain to me that they were scavengers looking for innocent people to prey on. I told some of them off straight away while in some cases (when I’m in a good mood) I played along with the individuals until they got tired of me and got off my page. Good online experience is not about making friends online alone. You can make legitimate and very good income online especially during this period of global economic hardship, using the same tools that others are wasting away – your computer, your eyes, your fingers and your head!

My take from the foregoing is that everyman has a motive and motivation for doing everything they do. So, when you find yourself addicted to facebook and think you need a break, take a break and probe yourself about your motive for staying glued to that/those pages. You may want to take a pause as well and ask if you’re adding any value to yourself or people around you by staying on your computer all day checking "your friends’" photos and reading their walls. You may actually even get more involved by exchanging mundane messages for eight hours or more on the internet in the name of social networking! While you were at it, others would have made many multiples of eight of whatever currency that they’re familiar with in those eight hours (minimum) that YOU have spent incurring electricity bills and causing potential harm to your eyes by inflicting them with radiations from your computer screen.

RELATIONSHIPS

If you allow circumstances to shape your vision, then there’s no need to being born – Victor Ogedegbe

Perhaps the above quote bears no relevance to this post; I think it’s too relevant to be ignored. By the way, I heard those words direct from the horses’ mouth last night in a telephone conversation and I immediately felt it might encourage/challenge someone out there.

Today marks another cycle in my existence in this realm and I will like to wish myself a Happy New Year, like I say to people on their birthday. The thought of birthdays I reckon symbolises our recognition, as humans, of our “date of manufacture”. Although, one may argue that a man’s date of manufacture is the day s/he was conceived, I doubt if the brightest of scientists can determine this date accurately – the reason why an expectant parent would only be given “expected date of delivery” which is only a guess.

Until a few years ago when a group of guys from my fellowship on campus paid me a surprise birthday visit, I hardly remembered my birthday! Until my birthday in 1999, I only remembered my birthday when I had to fill forms. Hopefully, this would offer an explanation to some friends who have held it against me that I didn’t remember their birthday pre-1999.

It’s overwhelming sometimes when on your birthday you receive a barrage of e-mails, phone calls, text messages and cards from well wishers wishing you a Happy Birthday. Sometimes, your phone can’t even handle the traffic of text messages which are competing to be the first to register on your phone on your birthday. People stay awake and hold their fingers on their phones with their eyes on the clock waiting to press the “send” button at the click of 12 midnight just to wish you a Happy Birthday. I’m no exempt from this practise.

I marvel at the commitment of keeping someone in your thoughts so much that you stay awake to let them know how much they are in your thoughts on a day which you singled out. With modern technology, I realise that you don’t need to have someone in your thoughts to remember their birthday. You could program your phone, computer or PDA to remind you EVERY YEAR when it’s Ted’s birthday. That sort of diluted the “wow” feel when birthday messages are received these days. I will however be careful not to discount the commitments of people who genuinely keep you in their thoughts, not just on your birthday or a few weeks/days before your birthday but all year long.

Today, actually, starting from yesterday, I’ve received texts and e-mails from friends from across various geographical locations. I’ve also received quite a number of routine birthday messages and “look forward” to hearing form the individuals who sent them again, next year – yes next year; at least they obey their computers/Facebook prompts to communicate every 8th of March.

That raises the question about our motivation as individuals in our relationship with other people especially those that we call friends. Several years ago, circumstances of life compelled me to be at the mercy of a relative. Seven out of ten times when I showed up at his door, he put something in my pocket. Five years later on, I needed something more. As a growing boy, when I longed for someone to talk to; someone to share my worries, anxieties and concerns about life with, there was no one. The money in my pocket couldn’t meet this need. I felt a void which material things could not fill.

In spite of his “generosity”, I got to a point when I realised how vain money and material things can be in the whole scheme of things in life.

Someone gave me a card today which she suspected I may not like. But she was quick to add that “it’s the thought that counts” And I agree totally. I do not see the colour of the card or the funny cartoon at the back. I see the thoughts behind the card and that is what I appreciate. A group of work colleagues gave me a card with wordings which a number of them suspected may not go down well with my religious persuasion. But the card didn’t matter. I saw the handwritten words and the warm thoughts behind the words. That was all that mattered.

I have today been overwhelmed with Birthday wishes from friends and people that I call “pseudo friends”. However, I do not feel the birthday excitement that most people feel. The excitement that I felt 2, 3, 4, 5 years ago is not there. Rather, I am sober and I’ve spent the last few days reflecting on what relationship means to me. Is it all about remembering people’s birthdays and sending them a text message or e-mail once in a year? Is it about that once-in-a-year phone call? How do I initiate, establish, nourish and keep relationships with people? How do I make my presence in the life others count? How do I make myself more than a ninja figure in people’s life?

A genuine relationship should not be a “take and give” affair. I think if we can stay committed to our friends everyday with the same commitment that we remember their birthdays, it would go a long way. We might actually be the ones to benefit more from it! With relationships comes commitment, compromise and sacrifice

A few years ago, a random “I’ve called just to say hi” phone call saved a friend from what would have turned out to be loads of trouble. If we're surrounded by the right people, life can be so beautiful.

In 2006, a preacher called Dr. Albert Odulele visited my church during our annual convention. It is usually a three-day event. During one of the sessions, the man made a call to people who were thinking of caving in to the pressures of life or people who had at any point contemplated suicide to come out so that he would pray for them. I could not believe my eyes! The army of men that came out was unbelievable. One of the guys on the keyboard played with so much vigour and skill you would think he was on loan from heaven. I could not believe that a man with so much “anointing” could contemplate suicide! One of the tenor guys was so good ladies were asking for autographs. He was out as well. He needed help too! And I thought wait a minute, he’s got friends! He sings so well. So what is his problem? I was out too, wondering how I got to that stage. But then I realise that perhaps it is not enough to minister to only the physical needs of our friends. Material things will fade away and cease but relationships are enduring. Dr Albert could identify with these folks because he had been there himself. As a pastor, he had at a point in his life contemplated taking his own life!

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for making my day such a special one today. But then, beyond the euphoria of the season, I’d like to leave you with the message that it is friends that could cover your “nakedness” the way no fabric will ever do.

Someone asked me how I spent my day today. Well, it’s been an unusually quiet one and I’ve been reflecting on the journey up till this spot and the journey ahead. I have taken stock and have been reassessing my life’s “business case” for the New Year. I’ve been reflecting on my many “narrow escapes” I’ve been reflecting on the journeys through the valleys of the shadow of ‘death’ I’ve been reflecting on those boys and girls in Darfur, in Iraq, Afghanistan. I think about those boys who wake up and sleep to the deafening and shattering sounds of rockets and machine guns. I think about those guys who go for their birthday shopping and never came back home. And down on my knees, I realised it could have been me…

Happy Buffday Oluwafemi

TO MAMA WITH LOVE

Although it's my birthday, I realise without her there would have been no me. I could have been flushed away. I could have been dumped by the roadside. I could have been stopped from 'staying'. When I caused so much trouble and cried for food, I could have been fed to death. This is for you mama...

In your arms you held me tenderly
Through the pains you gave me warmth and care
Hunger bites, I cried hopelessly
Your instincts and love answered my tears
Mama you knew what I needed and when

In your heart you guard me jealously
No, you’ll never see me whine
Strayed I from your teachings carelessly
Your wisdom corrects, you never mind
Mama, your love I can never buy

In your mouth you chewed me tenderly
My cross is your cross I never knew
When I burned my fingers awfully
You showed the way to start again anew
Mama you won’t sleep all for my sake

In your eyes you keep me carefully
I thought tis all for nine month’s sake
Mama it’s more than that I can’t reason it!
Esoteric is your love it adds no pain
You did it all that I might have a name

Mama you’re my treasure
My sunshine, my all…
My mama...

(c)Femi Olatunji, 2009

WHO LOOKS AFTER THE SPARROWS?

He cares about the sparrows...

Myriad of thoughts, not of today
Lined my mind in gaily array
Uncertainties of days afore
In this piece (of flesh), finds a store
Not so much of a thought
Are the armies I daily fought
Come to think of it, if I may ask
Who is it that cares for the sparrows?
This thought clears all fears of the morrow…